WARNING: Entire post on stain removal follows.
I would stick to more exciting topics, like, What I Made For Lunch!, or, Grammar!, but I'm feeling guilt over the sympathy that keeps pouring in over my last post, in which I officially aired my dirty laundry on my blog (Thank you! You felt my pain!), since the problem has been resolved.
Thank you, The Internets. I adapted some advice I found online and it actually worked. I mixed up 2 cups of Tide®, a cup of OxiClean®, a cup of Spray 'n Wash®, and some vinegar (was supposed to be a cup, but I only had a bit left, so just used what I had) in hot water in the washer, added the load, soaked it for an hour, and then ran it through 3 agitations on the longest cycle. I just kept setting it back to the start before it drained. Honestly, nearly all the stains came out completely!
Yes, mom, the inside of the dryer was streaked with a thin film of hardened purple wax too. It was a little bit easier to clean after I figured out to run the dryer for a minute to warm it back up, and then after I got it as clean as I could I made sure to dry a dark load before anything else.
My only regret is that all that soaking and agitation with hot water and strong chemicals were (obviously) pretty hard on the clothes. A much better option than having to throw everything out, of course, but I wish I'd taken it a little easier, because nearly all the stains were out after the first cycle and most of the stains I was still waiting on were the ones that in the end didn't come out anyway. I read somewhere at first to prespot with Murphy® Oil Soap, and I started to do that on a couple of things before I decided to forget it. Afterwards, I realized that the only stains that hadn't come out were the ones I had prespotted with the oil soap. So, yeah, don't try that one if a crayon in the dryer happens to you. Or, if you have children, perhaps I should say when a crayon in the dryer happens to you.
I still think I might be able to remove those few stains that are left with WD-40® or Goof Off® or something like that. But I'm taking a little break from stain removal for the moment.
Good gravy, do you see how many brand names I included in this post? Shouldn't I be getting some product placement revenue?