Monday, February 14, 2011

Won't You Be My Valen-swine?

Saw these at Target's Dollar Spot:

Immediately two things came to mind:

1. These animal valentines I made for Jane to give to her playgroup friends in 2002. (She was 8 months old at the time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! First child.)

Of course each one contains a dumb pun. It is a cherished tradition.
Please pardon the circa 2001 photography skillz.
2. Design Mom's 2010 wild animal valentines. Design Mom is usually worth copying. Next I want to copy her plan to move to Europe.

I enlisted Jane & Zuzu in the creation of the bad puns to accompany each animal. It was clearly in their blood, although Zuzu quickly began to favor the nonsensical. As you read her suggestions in this list growing increasingly bizarre, please imagine the volume of her and Jane's uncontrollable laughter growing equivalently.  I wanted ear plugs.

Here's our master list. Add your own in the comments!

(Hate puns but like photos? Skip to the end.)

Bull:
You'd better bull-ieve I want you for my valentine. -J
I want you for my valentine, and that's no bull! -M


Cat:
We're just purr-fect for each other. -M
Valentine, if you and I were together, it'd be a cat-astrophe. -J
(A particular favorite of mine.)
You're the cat's meow, Valentine! -M
I want you for my valentine, and I'm not kitten! -M


Cow:
Valentine, we're just perfect for each udder. -J
Moo, oh, moo! Can you please be moo valentine? -Z
(Z: "Get it? 'My oh my?'")
 I would be udderly thrilled if you'd be mine. -M

Dog:
Doggone it, you stole my heart. -J


Duck:
I'd be a lucky duck if you'd be my valentine. -M 


Goat:
Being my valentine wouldn't be so ba-a-a-ad. -P (Hurray! Peter chimed in!)

Goose:
Goose I never thought you'd be my valentine. -Z
You give me goosebumps, Valentine. -M

 
Hen: 
Valentine, how about a peck? -J
I want to ask you to be my valentine, but I'm too chicken. -M
Valentine, you and I make an eggs-traordinary pair. -J


Horse:
I want you for my valentine, and I'm not horsin' around. -M
I would go down on my neighs for you, Valentine, but I can't 'cause I'm a horse. -Z
(Me: "But Zuzu, horses can go down on their knees." Z: "I don't care! It's funny!")
All I wanna do is make you be my valen . . . horse. -Z
Please say "yea" and not "neigh." -M


Pig:
How about a hog, Valentine? -M
Happy Valen-swine's Day! -J
You make me squeal, Valentine. -M 
Hello,Valentine! Are you a hog? Let's have some swine! -Z
(Z: "Get it?! Wine?!" At this point she was laughing so hard she could barely get out the words.)
 
Rooster:
Cock-a-doodle-doo! Rise and shine and please be mine. -M

Sheep:
Wool ewe be my valentine? -M
You're one ram-bunctious valentine! -J
My heart is bleating for you, Valentine. -M
I love ewe. -M


I wish I'd written down all of Adam's suggestions from later when we were putting the valentines together. They were too nonsensical to remember, but so delightful. He did come up with, "This little piggy cried, 'Will, will, will you be mine?' all the way home." Clever, no? This is the 5-year-old who says "whereas."




Jane had her own darling valentine idea:


I suggested she could re-wrap the suckers in wax paper and add a center to each flower to make them even more aesthetically pleasing. She laughed at me, because, saints be praised, I did not pass on The Crazy to this kid.

6 comments:

Lili said...

Jane does indeed have a natural flair for it, wow. And Zuzu's are... hilarious. ;-) The one of Adam's that you remembered is pretty great.

Making Valentines truly can be a load of fun. I remember making dozens of punny Valentines with a friend back in high school, and we laughed harder than the cards merited, too. I've forgotten all of them except for Spen's crowning achievement:

A hand drawn illustration of a young man wearing nothing but shorts, with a perfectly awkward and painful grin on his face. Over his chest was a little band-aid sticker (from those little teddy bear stickers with the theme costumes--remember those?)

Inside the card it said "I'm giving you my heart, Valentine."

Mom kept that one for herself. I'm glad. It belongs in posterity.

myimaginaryblog said...

Z's are the best. And Adam's.

It confuses me a little to have a relative going by Z.

Tracy Hall Jr said...

Wonderful. Thanks for sharing.

Dirtius Wifius said...

I hope you don't mind that I'll be stealing these next year. Beautiful, creative, and so much fun!

Betsy said...

Just to clarify, Lili, I kept that one for myself both because it was wonderful, and because Spencer gave it to me. Andy gave me a great one, too, that year, of his own feet from his perspective. I'm trying to remember the caption.

I love love love love love the children's puns.

Kathe said...

They're all just darling and I'm so glad that they have parents that encourage such fun and creativity!
I love you all!!
Grandma K